How Charlene Tore Down Her Walls

                                                        Photo by Marcus Loke on Unsplash

​March 10,2025

I'm not a risk-taker, but I managed to get myself out of the greater Los Angeles area (Marina del Rey) late in life. Where I got the courage to do this, I don’t know. To walk around the block in LA, to me, was dangerous. Returning to my apartment there was no less anxiety-inducing, though, because I was profoundly lonely.

Heading north over the Golden Gate Bridge into the hinterlands of Marin County, solo and ready to tackle a new environment as a septuagenarian, was probably the bravest thing I've ever done (if we aren’t counting the obvious: getting sober four times). I never looked back.

As fate would have it, I remained lonely upon arrival but not alone in my plight. A January 2024 poll by the American Psychiatric Association found that 30% of adults in the United States experience feelings of loneliness at least once a week. For me, it was more like once a minute, sapping the life force out of me.

I always yearned to be seen, loved, and hugged but was too shut down to go for it. The walls I had constructed around my heart were insurmountable.

Something shifted in my new environment. I let someone in. Her name was Lisa. Sure, I had to pay her to be my sleep buddy (and here we’re just talking sleep; I have insomnia), but it was worth it. Over time, we became friends. This opening was an admittedly calculated risk for this non-risk-taker because I had little to lose. It led to more introductions, which led to more connections, which turned into a meaningful existence filled with fun, kind, funny friends.
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And those walls? I left them in LA.