Handle with Care—and other Re-Mothering Tips

August 25, 2017 

I recently spent time with my inner child. She's not always good company. Fear is her modus operandi. When she gets scared, she taps into her pain so she can either (1) do nothing and/or (2) get drugs. Her role, in her family of origin, was Victim. Conscripted Victim to be more accurate. Consigned to complaining, wanting and being uncomfortable overall. She was clearly the identifiable patient (the others masked their mental illness and neuroses like champs). 

When I pull focus to my 72-year-old Self, I'm less inclined to wallow in misery or fear. I'm more inclined to regard my inner child as vulnerable and sans fault. She was a child for f#ck's sake. Her mother didn't hold her (see photo above, for example) or her hand, ever, because her mother was too busy applying makeup. Does this ruin a child? No, but it didn't help.

Neither did having to pick up my father's tranquilizers in my teen years. If they worked for him, why wouldn't they work for young Char Char? Who could blame me for modeling what I grew to know: that pain could be blunted and possibly avoided altogether, most effectively with pills.

I now regard the young me as a sentient, imperfect being who wanted to be held, loved and supported. It's not too late to re-mother myself, I'm told by my therapist, so that's what I will do. I will throw my inner child a buoy. She will take it, knowing she never has to be afraid or alone again. 

I will also remind her, when pain and fear are her defaults, to remind herself that she has CHOICES. She can choose adventure over nightmare, new over stale, excitement over fear, making mistakes and learning from them over staying small, invisible, cowering. 

In a word, living. 

For my remaining years, I will remember this—we are all perfectly imperfect and worth it. Why not stay out of our own way, sideline the ghosts of our past and embrace the day? 

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