Third Step Prayer

In AA, we learn the Third Step Prayer:

God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou will relieve me of a bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.
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The accompanying third step is "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

The step, and the accompanying prayer, are an invitation to gratitude, a dash of panic and a recursive, internal dialogue with my Higher Power ("HP"), which is what I call God. Per usual, I try to deflect meaning with levity. 

The loop usually goes something like this: 

HP to me: So you want to be a stand-up comedian? Sorry too late, that train has left the station. Now, what do you really want?

Me to HP: Dear God, I feel terrified and need your help now. Yes, little Char needs your help. Help help help is what I want.

HP to me: What would you do next? Face the music? Tired of living inauthentically?

Me to HP: I at least want a nibble out of life. I won’t hurt anyone, but myself. I promise.
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HP to me: And so it shall be. Get out of your own way. Go through the gates of releasing and unleashing ... and get a dog. 

In 2021, mid-pandemic, I heeded my HP's edict and got an eight-month old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. At $40,000, he was a bargain. A regal breed for a Jewish princess. I named him Lucky, but I was the lucky one.

​He taught me how to love again.